


Not in the Cards for Us

by reigningqueenofwords



Series: Real Life Superhero [31]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 12:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Relationships: Past Dean x Reader
Series: Real Life Superhero [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1517432
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Not in the Cards for Us

Dean dove headfirst into preparing the start of a nursery. He barely slept the first couple days after he saw you. He completely cleaned out the room he had in mind, scrubbed it, and repainted it in an off white. He was proud of himself, and hoped that you saw him trying. Currently, he was letting everything dry, sitting in the middle of the room on his laptop. “So many fucking choices.” He muttered to himself, but was half smiling. You would be doing the hard part of all this - growing the kid, and having them, and he wanted to be as useful as he could. 

“Dean?” Your voice echoed through the bunker. “You here?” You asked, looking around for him. 

“In here!” He called out, not moving, too intent on finding what he could for the baby.

You walked down until you found him in the room, widening your eyes. “Whatcha doing?” You asked, looking around the room, curious. 

He looked up, smiling. “Welcome to the nursery!”

You blushed and looked back at him in surprise. “Really?” You breathed, not having expected that. 

He nodded. “Really. I cleaned everything out, scrubbed everything here clean, and now I’m waiting for the paint to dry while I figure out what the hell to get first.” He motioned to the laptop. 

Your heart fluttered slightly at that, but you forced it down. “Probably a crib. Not sure though.” You couched to sit by him. “Have you done anything else while I was gone?” You asked, glancing at him. 

His eyes remained on the screen. “Not really.” 

You swallowed and nodded. “Well...thank you.” You said softly. “It means a lot that you did all this.”

He blushed faintly. “Hopefully I can do more.” He sighed. “You’re doing all the hard work.”

“That’s sweet of you to say.” You spoke shyly. “I hope this isn’t just...just to get me to stay, either.” You said sadly. “I mean, I’m thankful for this, I just hope your enthusiasm lasts.” 

“I almost baby proofed the bunker…” He blushed further. “I know this sounds bad but I asked Tina what I could do and she said to not go overboard and just be supportive. But look at me.” He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. 

You weren’t sure how to feel about him talking to Tina about this, but pushed it down. She seemed to try to give him good advice. “Support is very needed.”

“I’ll do anything I can. Starting by being honest.” He swallowed. “I just called Tina to tell her about us... _ you _ ...expecting, just in case I can’t make it down to see Katie.” He swallowed. “I did tell her I’d try to see her, Katie, I mean, within the next couple months.” 

It stung, to hear how casually he could talk about them now. “I wouldn’t have been upset if you would have told me to begin with, Dean.” You told him honestly. “I would have understood.” 

He looked down, nodding. “I know. Sam kept telling me.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “I messed up so big.” You heard the guilt in his voice. 

“H-how long did you know?” You asked him, staring at your hands. “Did you know about them when we met?”

“I didn’t. That day that we first went when I didn’t tell you she was a fling at first.  _ Another mistake _ . Was when I found out. She wasn’t going to tell me.” He closed the laptop. “I was too scared of losing my future with you. That’s all I could think about.”

“That’s what happened, though.” You said softly. “I don’t trust you Dean, and that’s a big part in any relationship.” You wiped your cheek, feeling a tear. “Probably one of the top three things you need. You can’t have lasting love without trust.”

He felt like his heart was being taken out. “But I love you.  _ So much _ . And now you have a baby in there and my love only got bigger.” He glanced at you. 

You got up, sniffling. “I love you, too, Dean, but I don’t trust you. Not right now.” You said before heading to your room to breath.

Dean let his head hang and wiped his own eyes, not knowing how this was going to work. The only thing that he knew was that he wasn’t going to give up. He slowly opened the laptop again and searched for cribs. He’d make sure that the baby had the best damn nursery possible.

* * *

You took a deep breath as you sat in your old room, looking around at the walls. Had you made a huge mistake by coming back? Right now the only reason was the fact that it was safe, but would you be able to handle it? Or would you break down?

Just as another wave of tears hit, Dean knocked on your door. “Uh...I think I found one you might like.” 

“One what?” You asked, staring at the door.

“A crib.” You could hear him shuffling. “It’s cute.” He told you. “I don’t want to order it until I get your okay. Once I have the crib ordered, I can find matching furniture.”

You nodded to yourself. “Let’s see it.” You got up, moving to the door and opening it.

He was balancing the laptop and turned the screen to you. “I can always find a different one.” He said quickly. 

While he held it, you scrolled to read the description, and some reviews. “It’s cute.” You agreed. “That one works for me.”

“Great.” He smiled. “It should be here in a few days, have to go to town to pick it up so they don’t know the address and all that.” He told you. “Anything you'd like me to get for you?”

You thought, biting your lip. “No, not yet. I should probably find a local doctor though.” You shrugged. 

He blinked, then nodded. “I could drive you out tomorrow?” He offered. 

“How about I just go with you when you get the crib? Save a trip.” You nodded. 

“Okay.” He agreed. “I can google some people up, run a background check and all that.” He nodded. “Don’t want you going to some whackjob.”

You smiled weakly. “Thanks. Preferably a lady?” You would just be far more comfortable with a female. 

“Of course.” He nodded. “I’ll research it like a case.” He sounded almost proud that he could do that for you. “Any other specifics?”

You hummed. “I mean if they have good reviews…” You shrugged. “Not really sure.” It wasn’t like you had done any of this before. “I’m not sure what to look for.”

“I’ll look up  _ everything _ .” He promised. “Want burgers for dinner?”

“With fries?” You asked instantly. 

He grinned, nodding. “With fries. Homemade.”

“Thank you.” You nodded. “That sounds great.” You told him. “I think I'm gonna steal a nap, wake me if I'm not up by then?”

“Sounds good.” He smiled. “Just call if you need anything.”

* * *

Moving around the kitchen, Dean was eager to do everything he could for you. He would make you the best burgers and the best fries, even finding a recipe to make ice cream with whipped cream and cocoa powder. Even if it was years from now, he wanted you back in his arms.

He hummed as he cooked, pouring a couple drinks out for you, then feeling silly. “Why would she want two drinks?” He mumbled to himself. “Maybe she's gonna be thirsty?” He answered. He felt like he was preparing for a first date again. He was nervous, excited, and being a perfectionist. 

When it was time to set the table, he quietly went to wake you. He hoped everything went well. “Sweetheart?” He whispered, peeking in your room. “Dinner is done.” He said, slipping in, his heart skipping at the sight of you. You were hugging one of your pillows tightly, sound asleep. Your mouth was parted ever so slightly as he pushed some hair out of your face. “So beautiful.” He muttered. “Princess.” He gently shook your shoulder after a minute. 

“Don’t call me that.” You yawned.

He immediately retracted his hand and swallowed, nodding. “Sorry. Dinner’s ready.” He said quickly before walking out. 

Lying on your bed, you felt yourself tear up for a moment before sitting up and wiping your eyes. “Stop it.” You told yourself. You would just go grab your plate and maybe watch something on your laptop, and it would be fine. 

By the time you walked into the kitchen, Dean had everything set up and looked bashful. He was rubbing the back of his neck when you walked in, sighing. “It’s too much.” He mumbled.

“Yeah.” You nodded. “But it’s okay, thank you.” You sat down, hands fidgeting slightly. “Smells  _ really  _ good.”

He offered a weak smile and nodded, sitting down once everything seemed okay. “Hope you like it.” He said shyly.

“I know I will.” You began eating silently, feeling awkward with the silence. “I called Sam the other day.” You said finally.

He cleared his throat. “Oh, yeah? He doing okay?” He asked, missing his brother.

You nodded. “I think so. He was working out when I called.” You told him. “Said if I need anything, to just call and he’ll be here.”

Dean nodded. “That’s good. I’m glad.” He gave you a small smile.

“Me, too.” You nodded. “I’m gonna keep him updated and all that.” You took a bite of a fry, chewing it slowly.

“When do we get our first ultrasound picture?” He smiled. “I’m looking forward to seeing our little guy.” 

You blushed and shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.” You told him. “I haven’t really done any pregnancy research.”

“We can do it together?” He offered. “Learn all about it together?” He figured that would be the best way, as they both needed to learn the same things.

You figured the same and nodded. “There’s probably so much to know that’ll two brains will help.” You chuckled lightly. 

He beamed at that. “Awesome.” He looked like he had just won the lottery. “What do we look up first?” He ate quicker. 

“Maybe the first couple months of pregnancy?” You shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like we need to know how to care for a newborn yet.”

“Right.” He agreed. “Probably more so how you’re gonna be feeling.” He noted. “I can’t imagine growing a person being fun. It doesn’t seem that way from the movies.”

You shook your head. “Lots of pain I’m sure.” You shuddered slightly. 

“Cas will help with that.” Dean nodded. “I can’t say he’ll be any help with you giving birth, though…”

You shuddered again. “It’s actually scary to think about.” You mused, shaking your head slightly. “Good thing that’s months away.”

He nodded in agreement. “Ready for ice cream?” He asked, hoping to keep your spirits high.

“Ice cream?” You brightened. “What flavor?”

“Chocolate.” He smiled. “I made it myself!” He said happily.

“Homemade?!” You giggled. “I wasn't expecting the entire dinner and dessert to be homemade.”

He beamed. “Gotta have the best for you guys.” He told you honestly. “Would natural and homemade be better for pregnancy?” He thought out loud.

“Yes.” You nodded. “I mean I figure.” You muttered. “I know you aren’t exactly into the healthy food lifestyle, though, so maybe I’ll just ease into that while you keep on with the good stuff.”

He chuckled as you said good stuff. “Yeah, I’m sure Sam would be so excited to help with that.” He gathered the dirty dishes to bring them to the sink. “I’m sure he has some recipes he’d love to share.”

You smiled. “I’ll ask him. It’ll be fun.” You chuckled. “Maybe...maybe I can get him to come back?”

Dean looked at you at that. “If you’d like. I don’t want to pressure or mess that up.” 

“I told him that I didn’t want to lose our friendship. That I’m still hurt that he didn’t tell me, but we have been friends for too long. Good friends.” You shrugged. “Plus, he was defending you. I know you’re close.” You said softly, drawing lines with your finger on the table.

“I wrongly asked him to.” Dean sighed. “He fought like hell. Almost walked all the way back to the motel, in the snow, on Christmas Eve, because it was making him sick.”

You felt bad for hearing that, but you knew he must’ve been really against that to risk his health. “That’s where you were?” 

Dean nodded, letting out a soft sigh. He wanted to be as honest as possible. “Yeah, spending time with Katie. Watching movies with her, and playing in the snow. She’s only two now, so I know she won’t remember me not being there.” 

You swallowed thickly and nodded. “That...that stings.” You admitted. 

He quickly put the plates in the sink and sat back down. “I know, and I’ll never say I’m sorry enough, but I am  _ done  _ lying. I want you to know everything, because if not, you’ll always wonder.”

You nodded. “That’s true.” You glanced down at your lap. “Why didn’t you ever want to try with Tina?”

“She was a fling.” He shrugged. “Never saw a future with her, never felt much for her, either.” He said honestly. “Just physical attraction. Only slept with her a few times while I was in her town.”

“Never while you were with me, right?” You tensed. 

He instantly shook his head. “Never. I haven’t slept with her in a few years.” He assured you. “Never wanted to.”

You let out a big breath and nodded. “Thank you.” You gave him a small, tight smile. “And...my birthday?” You looked at him.

“It’s Katie’s birthday, too. I had been planning for ages and was just way too excited to even think about things here.” He admitted with shame. “I was just so happy to get to be there for her birthday that I spaced out, and focused on that.” 

“I don’t blame you for wanting to spend time with her. I would’ve been so accepting.” You looked down. “I really would have.” You sighed. “I would have gone with you, to at least stay at the motel or something. D-did they know about me?” 

He swallowed and nodded. “Well, Tina did. I didn’t really explain it to Katie.” He pushed around a salt shaker. “She was actually really pissed off at me when she found out about what happened. She’s completely on your side.”

“That’s nice of her.” You said sincerely. “I was jealous the first time you mentioned her.” You shrugged. “ _ Really _ jealous, actually.” You blushed.

“You didn’t need to worry, sweetheart. I promise you're it for me.” He nodded. “You’re the only one I’ve ever seen myself possibly growing old with- I mean, if I get to grow old.” 

You ducked your head, shaking it. “I’m sorry, Dean but it doesn’t look like that’s in the cards for us now.” You were obviously tearing up.

“I know.” He cleared his throat. “But I’m not going to stop trying.” He said, determination in his voice. 

“Just...focus on the baby, okay?” You asked, your voice shaky. You weren’t trying to be harsh, but the baby was far more important.

“Yes, ma’am.” He bit his lip hard. 


End file.
